Pinocchio's Revenge (1996)

Yes, you read that right. Kevin Tenney’s 1996 film Pinocchio’s Revenge. Wait, you haven’t heard of it? This little gem is not a sequel to Walt Disney’s 1940 production of Pinocchio, nor is it related to any Pinocchio film that I am aware of. (Who exactly is Pinocchio taking revenge against? I guess he could be angry about being swallowed by a whale or maybe taking grievance against those ignored child labor laws during his time working slave labor for the circus. But that’s neither here nor there.) Unfortunately, the movie didn’t live up to even the title's promise, as Pinocchio doesn't seem to take much revenge on anyone. In fact, it’s pretty difficult to tell what his goal is in the movie, as he only appears maybe once or twice in the entire first half of the film. His lack of screen time is not to build suspense, mind you, but rather to just get to know the D.A. and her daughter, who is having trouble adjusting in school. Throw in a few other pointless supporting characters, a middling plot, and you’ve got yourself a movie!

Oh, you wanted revenge, you say? Well, that little doll eventually starts talking to the little girl, tells her some lies, and eventually his nose grows. It’s all very thrilling stuff. I guess by the time this film came out in 1996, the whole “murderous doll” angle had been played out many times over, from Magic to Dolls to Child’s Play. I will say that Brittany Alyse Smith, the child actress who plays young Zoe in the film, gives a believable performance as a little girl who has to deal with the consequences of an evil puppet. (SPOILER ALERT, for those still reading or actively waiting to see the film) It’s revealed that young Zoe is actually the one on the murderous spree and not in fact the evil doll. She is later committed to the hospital, with her mother vowing to get her out at all costs. I, for one, eagerly await the sequel. Who will take revenge on Pinocchio?

Unfortunately, the movie is too clichéd and stilted to work very well as a suspenseful psychological thriller or a slasher film. It also isn’t nearly as campy as the title suggests, thus robbing the film of any potential replay value. The most fun that was derived from watching this movie was trying to guess what actor played Pinocchio. I won’t rob you of this earth-shattering secret (to some, it may be painfully obvious), but once you can guess the actor, all fun or engagement you may have with this movie will surely drop to zero. At least you can take comfort that potential sequel will arrive one day. Or at the very least, Geppetto’s Revenge.

Rating: 1/2 star

Kick-Ass (2010)

Matthew Vaughn’s Kick-Ass is a competent yet somewhat perfunctory addition to the superhero genre, often times unable to fulfill on its stellar concept and ambitious potential. I can’t help but feel a tinge of disappointment from the film, especially once the films roars towards the final third. The first half of the film is quite effective at conveying its themes and ideas about the superhero genre injected with a nice sense of tongue-in-cheek humor. One of the aspects I liked about the first half of the film is that it is grounded in a sense of reality, the feeling that regular people could stand up to the crime and injustice of the world to make a difference while looking a bit ridiculous in the process. Also, the film does an adequate and often times humorous job of satirizing the superhero genre. Unfortunately, any sense of realism or satirical bent found near the beginning is almost completely thrown out the window by the climax of the film, where they are replaced abruptly and generically with acrobatic moves and explosive weapons aplenty for the rest of the running time.

Director Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake, Stardust) cannot quite seem to make up his mind what kind of tone he wants to set with the film, ultimately leaving the entire project without much personality of its own. While the film thematically plays like a braggadocious kid brother to 2008’s Wanted (naturally, writer Mark Millar one of the main creators for both the Wanted and Kick-Ass comic book series), but it seems a little too afraid to push itself over the edge of originality, thus robbing the film of a much needed personality of its own. The film actively cribs from not only other superhero films (primarily Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man series), but also Kill Bill, Battle Royale, The Dark Knight, Scarface, Goodfellas, The Matrix—practically a hit list of fanboys’ wet dreams. Unlike a director like Tarantino, however, Vaughn is unable to let the influences gel into something resembling a personal stamp, resulting in a borderline empty exercise.

The acting is a solid yet slightly uneven. Aaron Johnson plays the title character well, effectively portraying the awkwardness of teenage life and the new responsibilities of being a self-made superhero. Chloe Grace Morentz gives an enigmatic performance and steals the show as the foul-mouthed but adorable Hit Girl. She effectively alternates between bravado and vulnerability of a young heroine suddenly plunged into the newfound world of superheroes. Her father, played by a typically zany Nicolas Cage, gives off a great deal of creepiness with a little bit of Adam West’s Batman thrown in for good measure. Mark Strong seems to have a good time chewing the scenery as the film’s main villain, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse is competent as his son/wannabe superhero Red Mist (full disclosure/possible spoiler alert: I have not read the comic book series, but the fact that Red Mist is the son of the main villain is not revealed until later in the story in the comic is personally a more effective and emotional twist than how it is portrayed in the film, which gives its hand away almost immediately from the second Mintz-Plasse’s character is on the screen.)

There has been some controversy concerning the film’s irresponsibility towards violence, especially violence involving children (more specifically, an 11-year-old girl kicking ass and taking names with no remorse). These charges might carry more weight if the film weren’t so silly in its ultimate approach. While I was never bored with the film, I also felt that I started becoming less and less engaged with the characters and the story as the film went on. I wish Vaughn and company would have either taken the satirical elements all the way, or else given me a film so borderline ridiculous I couldn’t help but smile throughout. Unfortunately, all I’m left with is a smirk and a shrug.

Rating: 3 stars (out of 5)